Last night i realized i have a SERIOUS(maybe) problem..
Everytime I think I can't have
something/someone I go & prove it to myself that I can, even if i REALLY do NOT want it. It's like a feeling like "Oooh whatever I could have it if i wanted to" & it sucks. Cause i'm going to lose friends over it, & other shit.
Oh fuck to put it bluntly.. Heathers going out with Grady. I don't really care cause I NEVER liked Grady. But when somebody brings it up. My first thought is "Yeah, but he still wants me" & then i second guess that thought. So I go over to Gradys & make sure he still wants me. It's kind of like wrapping him on my finger, so I know I could always have him. Which is shitty on my part times 386535. Because 1) Heathers my friend, & she's never done anything shitty to me. & 2) I'm fucking Grady over alot.
I've done this before, to alot of people. I think that's why I'll never get to be in a good healthy relationship, because I just like being with people to prove to myself I can be with them. & probably why I am attracted to people who treat me like SHIT!!